Saurornitholestes, a dinosaur relative of the modern turkey
If a turkey can think its way out of an environmental catastrophe then humans should wrap up climate change in 10 or 20 years. The Cretaceous extinction, caused by an asteroid and/or volcanic event, wiped half of all life off the Earth. Including all dinosaurs never-to-be-seen again until the release of Jurassic Park in 1993. The life forms that remained faced a hostile work environment. Seawater covered most of the planet. Carbon dioxide and poisonous gasses trapped by the ozone layer created humidity and darkness 24/7. No light. No photosynthesis. No veggies.
Rough times.
So what did survive this environmental mayhem? A few plankton, bivalves (clams), some seaweed, and a lot of birds. Among them was the ancestor of the modern turkey, now a white meat donor at your Thanksgiving dinner.
The grand, grand, grand pappy of your bird was Hagryphus Giganteus, which lived 75 million years ago. At 7-feet tall, he was the Big Bird® prototype. Giganteus sprinted toward prey and away from predators at 30 mph. Like you, he was a meat gobbler that also stuffed itself with fruits, seeds and nuts.
But we’re not here to celebrate the physical prowess of Hagryphus Giaganeus. This is a story of brains over the ozone layer and a dab of global warming.
The Right Combination of Thinking and Action
Birds were one of the few species to flourish after the cataclysm, and many scientists credit their survival to sheer brain power. CT scans recently confirmed the MENSA-sized brain cavities of two seabirds. Larger brains made it easier for birds, e.g. prehistoric Butterballs, to adapt to the changing environment. Some, like crows, even crafted tools to forage for food.
Today’s crossbred, inbred, and genetically engineered turkey is dumb as a rock. A wild turkey, though, can snatch bunnies with its talons and play scrabble.
So let’s put a wild turkey in charge of solving climate change. At least we won’t have another filibuster.
The Final Course
Lesson 1: never underestimate your turkey, or, for that fact, people that you think are turkeys, who have fat wattles, until you measure their brainpans. Lesson 2: If you’re a climate change denier, be aware that catastrophic, species-ending events have already happened on earth, and there will be more to come. So take a moment this Thanksgiving and educate yourself about Climate Change Basics from the Geoinstitute.